Bloomberg aides continue insisting to everyone who'll listen, take down their quotes and eventually publish them that their boss isn't planning a run for president, and then they all lay out their brilliant, Machiavellian plans for ensuring Mayor Mike the Oval Office. Today's Journal presents this unnerving hypothetical: in the event of a Subway Series presidential race, Bloomberg will seize control of the nation in a bloodless electoral coup of INDEPENDENT MODERATE INDEPENDENCE, MAVERICK-STYLE.

One scenario -- and the one aides are hoping for -- would be a race between fellow New Yorkers Hillary Clinton and former Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Sen. Clinton's negative rating is the highest in either party, while Mr. Giuliani's is the highest among Republicans. That match-up could make what supporters see as Mr. Bloomberg's "above the fray" image more appealing. Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Giuliani are also seen as moderate on social issues, which could mute opposition to Mr. Bloomberg from the religious right. "If the parties nominate polarizing candidates...then there's plenty of room" for Mr. Bloomberg, independent pollster John Zogby said.A Clinton/Giuliani/Bloomberg race means the next major terrorist attack on our city would be carried out by the rest of America.

People of Iowa, New Hampshire, and those other states that only matter briefly every four years: Please, please nominate Obama and, hell, Huckabee. The only thing we have to look forward to in a Bloomberg presidency is figuring out where he'll live once he decides the White House is too tacky.

David Rockefeller Sr., Paul Allen, Edgar Bronfman, Leonard Lauder, Scottie Pippen, and David Letterman all receive big farm subsidy checks from Uncle Sam, according to an investigation by the Post. That Connecticut home pays for itself! Letterman and Rockefeller reportedly give their regular checks to charity. Manhattanite Phyllis Joyner received $213,998 from 2003 to 2005. "I'm actually in Virginia receiving farm subsidies," she told the Post from her East Village apartment. We are so claiming residence at our parents' house in Minnesota and "growing" some "sorghum." Then we're quitting too! [Freddie Mac (or On Friday, Jonathan Clements says wealth is overrated and rich people are all contemptible morons and that money will not make you happy! Also he's the Wall Street Journal personal-finance columnist. So don't go around making so much money, guys! You'll end up empty and depressed, because every time you eat dinner at the nicest restaurant in the world, you'll be forced to confront the sad knowledge that there is no nicer restaurant. Then you'll climb into your waiting helicopter and go back to your sad mansion, where, tragically, you've grown used to your servants. Yes, in the end, what truly matters is assuming the attitudes and outward trappings of the upper-middle class regardless of your actual worth and not being all gauche and show-offy about it.

Troubling out-of-context statistics and worrying isolated anecdotes suggest that members of "Generation Y"—loosely defined as all the people younger and stupider and more annoying than you and your peers—are